Tuesday, June 2, 2009
here there be dragons
I recently had a lovely and very rewarding experience with blogging, during an extended stay in Paris (it was long enough to be a sort-of staycation, only not at home, so I feel very on-trend). Since I've been back in the States, I've found that I've missed blogging - missed the writing, the photos, the coming-up-with-ideas, the responses and comments. So I'm re-entering the arena, with a less focused, more open-ended structure this time around.
One year ago, I sold my apartment and quit my job (both in NYC), after realizing that I was miserable and stuck. Since then, I've been alternately doing exciting, adventurous things (the trip to Paris, two months in Mexico learning Spanish), and doing not much of anything (a bit of freelancing, a lot of lunches with friends, a lot of reading).
I tell people that I'm soul-searching and struggling to figure out what's next. I tell myself, on a good day, that I'm bravely facing the big questions, refusing to just coast along, refusing to be satisfied with a certain level of happiness, a certain level of accomplishment, a certain level of self-awareness. That I'm clearing my own path, disregarding the influence of what my friends and family have chosen for themselves, and would choose for me. That I'm able to disappoint others to find out what is right for me, and go for it.
On a bad day, I wonder if I'm just lazy and unambitious.
While it's great to be home in the middle of the day to watch as much French Open as I like, I am also aware that this is not a tenable existence, that at some point, I will have to come up with a better plan, whether the impetus is boredom, dire financial situation, or sheer existential panic.
One subject that I've been mulling, as many of us do at this point in our lives, is how I ended up where I am. When I look back on my adult life, it feels as if I just let things unfold, rather than making choices and plans. This has had a definite upside (I doubt I would have lived in L.A. [which I now love] for almost a decade if I'd made a five-year plan after college), but it of course has had a lot of downside as well, especially in the career zone.
So now, after a year of mulling and soul-searching and all that jazz, I feel it's time to take charge of my future, more or less. (How's that for a ringing, bold rally cry?) Hence the blog: I used to write a lot, and not work stuff, but my own stuff. Over the years, however, I lost this habit and, with it, the one way I've seen to get out of nine-to-five and lead a richer, more rewarding life.
This blog, hopefully, will not only document this in-between time in my life, but will help me move on to whatever is next.